Waiting for likes.

I have to be honest,  I was a bit stumped about what I was going to write about.  Every time I post, I want it to be useful for you but currently I find myself in a bit of a waiting game and talking about waiting is like writing about watching paint dry. It’s not interesting. Then I thought about what it was that I was waiting for and suddenly I had my topic.

What I want to talk about, is waiting for likes and not just the social media variety because for the past week, this is what has been on my mind;

1. Will the judge like my submission.
I mentioned in my last post Exploring The Unknown that I had entered the Bridport Memoir Awards in Sept.  If I’m long-listed, I’ll only have five days to submit another 10,000 words, so I’ve carried on working and only came up for air last week.  There is a part of me that knows I have a good story and is hopeful. Yet re-reading my initial submission, I found things wrong with it and a couple of grammatical  errors, even though I’d proofed it a thousand times before so now mixed in with the hope, is the doomsday voice in my head telling me that I have no chance of being long-listed. This is an absolutely futile waste of my time and energy.

2. Will a friend I shared sample chapters with, like and enjoy my writing
Despite my mixed feelings about my chances, I shared my work with a friend to get her feedback so I could rework it if needed, in time for the next deadline.  I know that this draft is so much better than my first one, which makes me cringe now when I read it, so for that alone I feel really proud of myself. 

Yet because I’m still waiting for my friend to feed back, my mind is automatically filling in the gaps with god she must hate it or at worse maybe she doesn’t feel anything about it. Maybe she’s bored and doesn’t know how to tell me?   There could be so many reasons why I’ve not heard back yet, but I’m automatically focusing on the ones that will make me feel bad because I know underneath my desire for her constructive feedback, I’m just hoping for a like from her and scared I won’t get it.

3. Will anyone like the videos or blog posts I’ve published
Traction has been slow, because I’ve been working hard to learn the art of creating content and because I’ve been hiding, scared to open myself up to negative feedback. I know both these things are true, yet I’m still waiting and hoping for that like.

SO WHY DO WE GET SO CAUGHT UP IN WAITING FOR LIKES?

• Social validation and self-worth It feels good for others to validate our work which reaffirms our self-worth. Its makes us feel accepted and valued by our peers

• Domaine release Its a known fact that likes from people you know and strangers releases happy hormones, which is why social media companies use it to such great effect

• Instant gratification it’s the quickest and easiest way to feel good about our work

All of the above are perfectly normal human responses but waiting for likes does not help the creative process and can stop you in your tracks. If you find that it is getting in the way, these are the tips and tricks for dealing with it;

• Focus on self-expression
  Remember you are doing this because you love it, because you can’t think of anything else you’d rather do. Concentrate on what it is doing for you not the external validation

• Set intrinsic not externals goals

  Such as improving your skills and exploring new techniques

• Develop a routine

  Work consistently and play like a child with your art. Experiment, mess up, learn and evolve

• Share selectively

  Be mindful about when and where you share your work and to whom. Share with those who you know, will give you constructive feedback

• Embrace imperfection

  Not everyone will like what you do and not everyone will feel the same about a given piece of art. Embrace this and view it as part of the creative journey

• Practice mindfulness

  Stay present and let go of worries about external validation

• Set realistic expectations

  This helps to avoid disappointment

• Celebrate personal milestones

  Most important of all, always remember where you started from and how much you’ve learnt and grown

I want you to think about where you are secretly (or openly) waiting for likes and all the other feelings that come with that. Then I want you to shift your focus inwards and simply remember your passion for creativity and why you are doing this in the first place. Because you love it and surely that’s all that matters! I’m definitely going to take my own advice, starting from now :)

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