Rejection.
Rejection sucks right? I know because I’ve had two of those bad boys this week.
The first one really hurt because I didn’t get through to the next round for the Bridport Memoir Awards. I had everything on this. This was going to be my big break, the sign I had a brilliant book on my hands, an acknowledgment of all my hard work this year. This was going to be it, until it wasn’t.
The next one was annoying and frustrating and nothing to do with writing but in the interests of the topic of this post, I thought I’d share. I had a lovely first call (or so I thought) with someone I met on Hinge, which then petered off into texts of nothingness with a final meme which was basically a goodbye. I think both rejections happened on the same day and suddenly all my insecurities came shooting to the surface, with waves of negative self-talk crashing around, having a lock-in afterparty inside my head. My story isn’t good enough, I’m a terrible writer, why did think I had a chance, what’s the point, why am I bothering, I’m never going to meet someone and I’ll always be alone.
Oof that was a lot to unpack in one afternoon and a lot to put on one competition submission and a phone call with a stranger but there we go, fear LOVES playing this game. Which is why we really should try to ignore our own mind games as much as possible. If rejection is something you are grappling with and failing my advice is to let the thoughts come in and then find a way out because it’s really just doing what the mind does. It spreads seeds of doubt and fear in order to protect us from disappointment so we don’t venture out into the unknown and instead continue to play safe and do nothing at all.
So I allowed myself a day or two of feeling sorry for myself and then made a promise to let it all go. Like it or not this is the first of many many no’s we are going to face so we either keep going, putting one foot in front of the other or we stop working on our manuscript. I don’t know how you feel but I don’t want to live a life of regret so I have no option but to keep going. So my call-to-arms to you my friend, is for you is to embrace rejection as a natural and necessary part of the journey because if nothing else it gives you an opportunity to learn and improve. Because I think how persistent and consistent you also are through these setbacks, will ultimately determine your success. Reframing rejections as ‘just another no getting me closer to my yes,’ is also super helpful. To help cement this idea in my mind, I’ve created a special email folder titled just that, so I can file all my ‘getting closer to a yes’ rejection letters in there.
I hope this post has helped you see rejection in a more favourable light and if you are still on the fence, just remember that even the most successful authors on the planet, past and present were failures at one point;
J.K. Rowling
Stephen King's
Agatha Christie
Cheryl Strayed, author of bestselling ‘Wild’
Elizabeth Gilbert of bestselling ‘Eat, Pray, Love’
I mean seriously, to think that any of these authors were once deemed a failure is unfathomable but there we go. If this isn’t enough motivation to keep going, I don’t know what is. Also speaking of Elizabeth Gilbert, she has written a brilliant book called ‘Big Magic’ which is all about creative living beyond fear and how you can’t have one without the other, a bit like cookie & dough ice-cream.
I’d love to know what rejections you’ve had to deal with along the way and how you managed to move past it so please do leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.
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