Breaking habits.
Habits.
How many of you are on this journey of creating, of writing a book, whilst working a full-time job? How many of you, know the bad or unhelpful habits that you have, that might be making it harder to achieve your goals, have tried to change them but after a week or so have crashed and burned? A huge number of us I imagine. Why are habits so hard to break?
Excuses are like assholes, everyone’s got one!
At the beginning of this year, I tried setting myself small realistic life goals, which alongside trying to cut down on sugar, was to wake up earlier, seize the day to get more time in for my morning routine and to work on my redraft. Instead of seizing however, I tried it for a few days, struggled, still felt sluggish and tired, so gave up. Sound familiar? I very quickly resigned myself to the fact, that I wasn’t an early bird, making excuses, as we all do. The mind is a funny old thing, like a drunk uncle at a party, one moment the king of the dancefloor, the next slobbering and snoring in the corner of the room. I had just decided, that waking up at an unnatural hour (for me) didn’t make me feel good, and that I was more in love (or addicted) to my snooze button, than wanting to sieze anything, in the morning at least.
To snooze or not to snooze.
What followed, were more weeks of feeling even more tired and sluggish, blamed on winter fatigue. What followed, was my 9-5 becoming more of a 9-7 and then with dinner time, getting distracted by my phone because I was tired and dog because she’s just so damn cute, to then having my daughter crash into my room every 20 minutes, any remaining few hours were sucked up into the vortex of time. Then, just like that, it was time to go to bed.
No wonder, I’ve been working at a snails pace on my proposal. I really nailed it during the recent school half-term, when I didn’t have to wake up early to do the school run. I used that as the perfect excuse, to have an even bigger lie-in with my snooze button going off at least 3 times. The result, I felt awful. I was so tired that by the time I had to start work, I was still in my pyjamas and dialling into work calls from bed. Not good! The question, I had to seriously ask myself then was, was hitting the snooze button that many times worth it?
If your habits don’t align with your dream, then you either need to change your habits or change your dream - John Maxwell
I want to do great things, but right now I’m living as if I want everything to stay the same, which is why last week I went on a 2-day intensive course about relationships, which had nothing to do with dating. It was to do with our relationships to ourselves, the most important one of all. There was so much I got from it, but I’ve highlighted my main take-outs below, which I hope can be of help to you, if you are struggling with these things too;
Breaking habits and making better ones
I’m focusing here on my sleep patterns as that’s one of my major stumbling blocks. Unless you are an early riser, waking up early doesn’t feel good. But what if it’s not supposed to? That really got me thinking. What if breaking a habit that makes you less productive, isn’t meant to make you feel good but is meant for you to be great! So I decided I’m going to really try and focus on waking up earlier, to not make excuses, so that it can help set me up better for the day ahead.
2. Persistency and consistency is key
For the past week I’ve set my alarm on for 6am, an hour early. I have also, and this is a really important one, not hit the snooze button once. I have learnt, that while the snooze button gives me short term pleasure, the impact on my physical health is not so good. When we snooze, we are disrupting the REM sleep — or dream sleep — which is the restorative sleep state. A 10-minute snooze time, is not long enough to return to restorative sleep, so all I’m doing is starting every morning in a fight with my alarm, in a battle I’m always going to lose, still feeling really tired. A great tip, if you are a snoozer like me - leave your phone at the end of the room, so you have to get up and move to turn it off. Its worked for me, granted its only day 7, but that’s seven whole snooze-free mornings, that I’ve never experienced before.
3. Our nervous system controls everything
It’s the master puppeteer behind the scenes, impacting the way we think, react, connect and communicate with ourselves and others. What happens when you are stressed, over-tired, angry, sad, lonely and overwhelmed? Most of us, go straight for the sugar-high, the glass of wine and bingeing on Netflix, instead of exercising or meditating to settle the nervous system. It’s a hard one to get out of, because all those things are designed to make us feel good quickly, that’s why it works, but then there’s always the crash.
I know that meditation really helps to manage the nervous system, but it turns out that cold showers are also really good. Ironically, those two words break me out in a cold sweat. On the weekend, I learned that having cold showers, as part of your morning routine is a great way of training your nervous system to manage stress. Cold showers, do not make you feel comfortable and that’s the point. Every time you take a cold shower, your body undergoes a stress response and during this response, your body releases the stress hormones, norepinephrine, cortisol, and adrenaline. Exposing your nervous system to small amounts of these stress hormones, builds your tolerance to stress over time. Managing stress or uncomfortable moments better, mean you start creating better habits rather than going for the quick-fix.
4. Be realistic
Learning to consistently wake up early and take cold showers in one go, is setting myself up for a fall, so I’m first going to get the morning routine right. Once I’ve done that enough times, I will then focus on cold showers first by gradually lowering the temperature for 30 secs then making it lower and lasting a bit longer. I’m not looking forward to it, but I will do it. I’ll report back on how that goes.
5. Morning routines are helpful
If you are the kind of person who jumps out of bed, ready for the day, the morning is probably your best time to write. Me, I can just about keep my eyes open, so doing anything that requires me to generate any creative juice in the morning, right now, seems unlikely. This might change as I put better habits in place but until then, mediation, journalling and a glass of hot water with lemon is working well. Normally, a big jug of coffee would jumpstart my motor, but I’m trying to have my first caffeine shot after 9am, so easing into my day slowly and mindfully is the perfect way for me to start my day.
6. Knowing when you are in self-sobotage and immobilisation mode
This is a big one. As much as I want to do amazing things, I’m also my own worst enemy. When I’m gorging on sugar, eating crap, not exercising, or drinking too much wine, I know it’s going to slow me down, both energetically and creatively, the next day. I know this, but can’t stop myself. I know it’s in those moments, that I’m self-sabotaging, which is a protective mechanism to keep me safe from potential harm but what am I protecting myself from?! Is it that I’m used to staying safe when it comes to my work and staying in my corner, and that pushing myself out of my comfort zone, feels uncomfortable? Sure! Is it the fear of not getting what I want, or the fear that I will get what I want, that’s the problem? Probably! Becoming more aware when I’m feeling immobilised because of some sort of fear, has been a game-changer because it’s not down to me being I’m greedy, or having a lack of discipline or this or that but is just the way my unconscious keeps me safe. I don’t think this is something that ever goes away, but I can see that the time it takes for me to be in that immobilisation mode, then realise that’s what I’m doing, is getting shorter and right now I’ll take that.
7. Organise and prioritise.
As much as you can, plan the week ahead, breaking down your tasks into work / life & admin / writing and most importantly, be realistic. The worst thing, is feeling like you’ve not accomplished half the things you want to do, so take it easy on yourself. When it comes to writing, work with your energy. If you are feeling particularly rested and lively, work on the parts of your proposal and manuscript that needs more brainpower and focused concentration. Conversely, if you are feeling flat and tired, I would suggest either just doing what you can, without putting any pressure on yourself or leave it alone and do some art, get into the garden, take a walk in nature, anything that’s creative. In those moments when you aren’t thinking specifically about writing, or are feeling blocked, by just creatively free-styling, that’s when inspiration might hit, when something might ‘unblock. The last thing you want to do, is make the time you set out for your creativity, feel like a chore.
These are my main tips for trying to juggle it all. I would love to know what you think and if you have any other suggestions and ways that you work, that might be of help to other writers on this journey. I’ve just ordered Atomic Habits by James Clear, an expert on habit formation, so will let you know what nuggets of information, I’ve gleaned from that. In the meantime, I just wanted to leave you with some helpful articles below.
Have a great week, until next time.
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https://www.headspace.com/sleep/how-to-stop-snoozing
https://www.projectxfactor.com/post/5-benefits-of-cold-showers
https://www.writerscookbook.com/11-tips-for-balancing-your-writing-with-your-full-time-job/
