All Memories Are Biased.
Have you ever had a memory so strong and vivid, that you’re certain that’s what happened, until you talked to someone who shared the same experience but had a totally different memory of it? That’s because the nature of a memory, isn’t necessarily based on fact. Or rather it’s based on something that happened, but your memory of it is shaped by so much more.
I’ve been digging into the nature of memories, in week 2 of the course ‘How To Write Compelling Memoir,’ by London Lab Lit and it’s added interesting layers to my storytelling, which is why I thought it would be helpful for you too, especially if you are a first-time writer.
While this post is for those who are writing memoir, a deeply self-reflective process of mining memories, it’s useful for creative fiction too, when you are getting into your character’s head. I think it’s also just really useful for life.
UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE OF MEMORIES:
1. Memories Are Incomplete and Subjective. Memories aren’t perfect recordings of events; they are shaped by emotions, biases, and the passage of time. Hence why two people who have experienced the same event, may remember it differently. So embrace the idea that your version of events is personal and subjective, and it’s okay if it doesn’t align with others’ perspectives.
2. Memory Is a Reconstruction, Not a Recording. When we remember something, we aren’t playing back a video in our minds. Instead, we are reconstructing the event based on fragments of feelings, key details and sensory impressions such as; sight; touch; smell; sound; taste. This process can alter or distort the memory and so understanding that your recollection will be influenced by how you felt at the time, or even how you feel now, is helpful.
3. Memories Evolve As We Grow. Events that seemed one way in childhood, might appear entirely different when viewed through the lens of adulthood. Exploring how your understanding of events has shifted through time could impact the story you’re telling and make it more nuanced.
4. The Emotional Truth Matters. Even if certain details are hazy, memoirs thrive on emotional honesty. It’s much more important to capture how an event made you feel, you don’t have to recount every small detail perfectly.
5. Embrace Uncertainty. If there are moments where your memory is uncertain, it’s okay to admit that in the memoir. Phrases like ‘I remember it this way’ or ‘As best as I can recall’ show readers that you are aware of the limits of memory. It adds authenticity and invites readers to share in your journey of reflection.
6. Research Can Fill in the Gaps. When writing about specific events, research can help clarify fuzzy memories. Diaries, letters, photos, interviews with people who were there, can provide valuable context. I interviewed my mum over cups of coffee and cookies in the process of writing my memoir, because so many of my childhood memories were coloured with intense emotions, primarily of pain and I wanted to get some perspective on it. This meant that when she said something that contradicted a memory I’d held on to, I allowed her recollections and revelations to surprise me and followed it downstream through to the pages of my story, changing the flow of the narrative for the better.
7. Don’t Stress About Perfection. Not every fact has to be exact. It’s more about how you experienced and interpreted events than a precise, factual account. Focus on the broader narrative and the meaning behind the memories, rather than fixating on perfection.
8. Be Mindful of Memory Bias. In the end all memories are biased. We might romanticise certain moments or emphasise others that fit the narrative we’ve built about our lives. It’s important to question your memories occasionally. Is this how it really happened, or is it how you’ve come to believe it happened over the years? These reflections can help deepen your memoir.
9. Memory and Emotion Are Tied Together. Strong emotions often make certain memories vivid, while neutral or mundane moments can fade away. This is why emotionally charged memories feel more intense or even exaggerated over time. Explore how your emotions, shaped the way you remember events and how you can use this to convey the essence of your story.
10. It’s Okay to Leave Some Things Unwritten. Not every memory needs to be included in a memoir, especially if it feels too unclear or too fragile to write about. It’s fine to leave gaps or to decide certain memories are too personal or too vague. Memoirs should focus on the moments that matter most to the overarching story.
By acknowledging that memories can be biased, are fragile in its very nature, you can create a more authentic, reflective narrative that readers will connect with on an emotional level. I would love to hear how you get on with this, or just to hear about your writing process in general, so please do leave a comment.
Until next time, enjoy the journey, love the process.
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